I have a superstitious dread of making positive changes and plans for the future. I'm trying to chart the course of my weight loss and dig myself out financially, but I'm hindered by the fact that I fear some unspecified calamity will happen if I plan ahead. A pervasive fear of things that might happen—horrible scenarios that could possibly play out—haunts my mind, especially when I'm trying to make beneficial changes, and derails my efforts to better myself. I'm also afraid and suspicious of being happy because that's when something bad happens in books and movies and because of memories from my own experiences that have had an impact way out of context. Apparently I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Worshipping at the Altar of Consumerism
Like a good American, I did give my life a lift out of the doldrums by making a big-ticket purchase. (On credit, I might add.) I bought a shiny new laptop. My old computer is only three years old, but some of the keys are wearing out. And it's lagging behind in the high-powered specs needed to play PC video game, including the video game I'm eagerly awaiting to give meaning to my life. In my defense, I did get an amazing deal on a machine that can hold its own against other models $500 or more. I also got 12-month no-interest financing, so I've devised an aggressive budget to pay for the thing.
Personal Roundup
I'm in a weird place with my sobriety (16 days and counting), though one I've been in many times before. I've recovered enough to give a shit about getting myself organized, but not enough to have any energy to actually do anything about it. So I have all of these notes to myself and piles of half-started projects strewn about my apartment.
My anger issues aren't much improved, either. I'm still working myself up into a rage over stupid, pointless stuff (which is everything).
Worshipping at the Altar of Consumerism
Like a good American, I did give my life a lift out of the doldrums by making a big-ticket purchase. (On credit, I might add.) I bought a shiny new laptop. My old computer is only three years old, but some of the keys are wearing out. And it's lagging behind in the high-powered specs needed to play PC video game, including the video game I'm eagerly awaiting to give meaning to my life. In my defense, I did get an amazing deal on a machine that can hold its own against other models $500 or more. I also got 12-month no-interest financing, so I've devised an aggressive budget to pay for the thing.
Personal Roundup
I'm in a weird place with my sobriety (16 days and counting), though one I've been in many times before. I've recovered enough to give a shit about getting myself organized, but not enough to have any energy to actually do anything about it. So I have all of these notes to myself and piles of half-started projects strewn about my apartment.
My anger issues aren't much improved, either. I'm still working myself up into a rage over stupid, pointless stuff (which is everything).
