Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Monday, April 15, 2024

Pushing Through

In my negative self-talk, I tend to beat myself up over things I didn't get done while not acknowledging what I do accomplish. My depression and motivation have been quite low lately, so I want to appreciate how much I was able to a get done over the weekend:
  1. Walked 14.2 miles
  2. Did my strength training both days
  3. Cleaned my place from top to bottom
  4. Replaced some shower hardware
    & fixed a broken tile
  5. Touched up the groat around my tub
  6. Repaired some worn spots on my sofa
  7. Got my tattoo re-inked

My Tattoo – Before & After

The Old Saggy Blues

As I've expressed (repeatedly), I've been frustrated that all my effort at exercising and moderating my eating hasn't transformed me. In spite of losing more than a foot around my waist, I still look nine months pregnant. But what also bothers me is how my 50-some-odd skin is going to look, even if I do manage to lose the weight. I'll look better in my clothes, but I won't really look "good" in spite of all the work I'll have put in. And forget about being shirtless or naked. It's just demoralizing.

At my age and the fact that I need to lose about 100 pounds from when I was at my heaviest, I don't think there's anything I could do to address the excess and loose skin short of surgery, which terrifies me (like everything else and life itself, for that matter). I may be able to address a few problem areas with non-surgical skin tightening: the sacks of adipose under my armpits that disgust me, my saggy tits and – even though my lower body is (thanks to genetics alone) not too bad – my upper inner thighs. But the area from my sternum to my junk is probably a lost cause without Mr. Scalpel.