Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The State of Things

All in all, I'm doing well as well as doing (or not doing) all the right things.  I just wish my mood weren't so consistently in the toilet, but such is my lot in life.
Hell Is Other People
I find that most of my problems are caused by other people.  I am unable to talk to my family in any meaningful way about my life, and I really don't have many close friends.  Besides, a lifetime of intense, unfulfilled desire has turned my emotional need into a hole with no bottom.  Just ask the friends I've "worn out" over the years.  So I pretty much try to keep things to myself.
The problem with that strategy is that my need to connect and to talk out my feelings overwhelms my conversations during the normal course of my day, particularly at work.  This invariably leads to regret and the wish that I'd just kept my mouth shut.  So I think maybe I'll process things on this blog and return to holding my tongue in my interpersonal interactions, hence my return to the blogosphere.
Today's Drama

Personal Roundup

I'm doing really well compared to last time, except for my spiraling debt, obviously.  When I'm drinking, I rack up expenses indulging my vices, but when I'm sober, I rack up expenses indulging my nickel-and-dime whims to keep my sobriety intact.  Now that sobriety has become somewhat habitual, I'm trying very hard to tackle my debt.

Days Sober: 105 {+97}
Weight: 252 pounds {-10}

Debt: $13,957 {+5,085}