Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Monday, November 18, 2013

Adiós, Carro...

The strain of familial and workplace stress finally got to me and caused me to break my sobriety last Friday night, though I suppose I should say that I chose to break my sobriety as a way of taking personal responsibility.  Regardless, there goes four months of sobriety down the U-bend.  I finally just said "fuck it" and drank and smoked and played my video games.  I spent all day Saturday in bed (with a wicked hangover) being too depressed to get up until 6 p.m.  I didn't stay up very long before going back to bed.  Sunday I managed to drag myself out of bed sometime around noon and then ran around doing a lot of dreary chores.
The real problem is that my relapse has returned my thirst, which continued sobriety had kept at bay, and now I want to take refuge from my feelings and worries by running to the shelter of mother's beer and hard cider.  For example, today I can find little enthusiasm for being any kind of responsible adult and can hear the voice of temptation whispering in my ear...

Less Than Zero (Assuming 0 = 250)

On a more positive note, I have gotten my weight back down below 250 pounds.  I bit the bullet and weighed myself the other day.  My previous histrionics aside, my dragging myself out of bed at 6 a.m. hasn't been totally in vain.  I've added some strength training, which I hate, but the best way to get into shape is to do both cardio and weights.