Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Best 2 Out of 3

I have mounds and mounds of baggage—accumulated over a lifetime—to wade through in order to uncover the spark of hope I've managed to keep alive that something of my dreams might one day actually come true.  But irrespective of that, I have three major practical areas that I am trying to improve:
  1. Sobriety
  2. Money/Debt
  3. Weight/Diet
My sobriety has to take primacy because, if it falls, nothing else can be sustained.  Experience has shown me that I can do an incredible amount of damage in a very short time.  It seems to me that, on a good day, the best I can hope for is two out of the three.  I'm either eating well but spending money on nothing or tightening the purse strings but pigging out with wild abandon, if not blowing both things simultaneously.  (Just yesterday, one bad vibe at work had me bag the gym, overeat and spend money on frozen yoghurt.)

Eating things I enjoy is one of the few things I get pleasure out of since quitting smoking and drinking last time, and my food selections so often include sugary treats.  Even though I don't go to particularly expensive restaurants, eating take-out all the time adds up very quickly.  Of course, whenever I begin to get a handle on money, something seems to come along to set me back.  A couple of years ago, I tried seeing a therapist for some help.  But it turned out she was the only one in her practice who didn't accept my health insurance, and those five or six sessions ended up costing me over $1,200.  A couple of weeks ago, I dropped over $1,500 in less than 24 hours keeping a momma cat and four newborn kittens alive.  But frankly it's the day-to-day, nickel-and-diming that tanks my finances.  I make decent money and have no obligations except for myself.  I should be rolling in cash, not living paycheck to paycheck.  Still, shoulda woulda coulda...