A Drunkard's Dream

I have this dream of a bright future:  sustained sobriety, daily exercise and healthy eating.  I imagine how much clear-headed such a regimen could make me and how much improved my mood and anxiety levels would be.  But the siren song of drinking and short-sided monetary spending are the reality I find myself mired in.  When you don't get a lot of pleasure out of life, then it's hard to sustain a vision of a better tomorrow and the modifications in behavior necessary to effect change.  I do what is expected of me.  I hold down a job.  I pay my own bills.  But I do not thrive, and I steal enjoyment out of fragmentary moments and ill-advised choices.