Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Monday, June 30, 2014

Homelessness & Dead Kittens

My detoxing this time around hasn't been as bad, probably because I didn't drink all that much when I fell off the wagon.  But I was definitely feeling the depression this past weekend.  On Saturday, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed, but my mother needed help with something.  So I forced myself up at the crack of noon and went over to my parents' house.  Afterward, since I was already moving, I went ahead and went to the gym.  I puttered around for a bit and went to bed early.  Yesterday, I had intended to go into work and get caught up on some things to help take the pressure off, but I couldn't make myself get vertical until after 4 p.m.  I bagged working out and got carry out for dinner (and frozen yoghurt for dessert) and vegetated in front of the television until I went to bed at 9 p.m.
Even though I managed to drag myself out of bed at 6 a.m. and exercise this morning, thirty minutes of cardio didn't do much to improve my mood.  On the walk home from the gym I was obsessing about the suffering of innocents and thinking that I despise everything about life.  I see misery everywhere that I look.

Man's Inhumanity To Man

And the Wikipedia homepage today had a blurb about just one more monstrous act (along with its usual anniversaries of wars and massacres) that human beings have perpetrated against each other for as long as we have existed, somehow being able to rationalize ineffable cruelty with casual indifference:  the blinding of a Hungarian child because he might be a threat to the throne.  I point this out simply to answer the question as to why, no matter how sanguine or how despairing I may feel about my personal lot at any given time, my Weltanschauung is always—at its heart—one of misanthropy and nihilism.