Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Like I'm Living at the Edge of the World

Well, I failed once again.  Friday night, I drank one and most of a second beer before starting to feel incredibly nauseated, so that derailed my relapse.  However, I ended up drinking ten beers last night, so I'm sure I'm right back to square one.

I violated the addict's cautionary mnemonic H.A.L.T., specifically anger.  In a rare show of maturity, I won't say that someone made me so angry that it forced me to drink.  Instead, I will say that I let myself get so angry at someone that I used it as an excuse to drink again.  I don't want to go into specifics at this point, but this interpersonal drama added to the stress of being behind at work has brought me low.  And I'm terrified of having to go through all of the horrors of acute and post-acute withdrawal yet again.

The only wisdom I can offer is that I've realized that you probably shouldn't listen to Disintegration by The Cure when you feel like you've hit close to bottom.