Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Friday, January 29, 2010

We're Not Living in "The Matrix"!

Yahoo! Dating has posted an article called "10 Signs He's Not the One," and the title set off some warning flags inside of me. How many people have wasted their lives looking for "the One"? All the while ignoring the love that could be right in front of them?

People are so funny when it comes to love. They mistake the biochemical fantasy that is infatuation with the sublime, and often harsh, reality that is love. Love is not magic. Love is full of doubt and uncertainty, a high-maintenance beast that needs constant attention and work. Love is a conscious choice that we make. We plant the seeds of it in our lives. Love is a function over time. When the infatuation fades, the fruits of our efforts is the love that remains.

Can anybody love anyone so much
That they will never fear
Never worry, never be sad?
The answer is they cannot love this much
Nobody can
This is why I don't mind you doubting

{Howard Jones, "What Is Love?"}

I know my personal history in the area of love doesn't speak volumes for my authority in making such sanctimonious pronouncements on the subject. In all my forty years, I've only had one decent relationship, and that was in my early twenties. I was with a wonderful guy, but I was a complete mess. And though we cared deeply for one another, are still friends to this day, the relationship fell apart. Yet I have been an outside observer, an unrequited romantic, my entire life, and I have watched and learned, nurturing the hope that one day I will be able to put my observations into practice.
The best coaches are in the stands, sir.
{Marcie, Peanuts}
Keep in mind that I'm not suggesting that people should "settle" for a relationship that doesn't work; that might be the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love. But the truth is that love is just as much being the right person as it is finding the right person.

In all fairness, the article I mention above has some good advice. You shouldn't waste your time with someone you don't trust or respect. You should be able to project yourself into a future with the other person. However, I don't think an impractical ideal of the "perfect" love should eclipse the practical needs of a love that can grow and sustain you over the course of a lifetime.
Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
{1 Corinthians 13:4-5}
Personal Roundup

Days sober: 21
Weight: 230 pounds
Waist: 46.5 inches