Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Friday, July 6, 2012

"Morning Song"

Another second of sadness
Another hour of boredom
Another day of impotence
Another year alone...

My waiting heart gathers dust
   As my will slowly wastes away.
I shall again, if I must,
   Brave the ugly light of another day.
I swallow my pill of bitterness
   To face the world without a care:
My only companion is Loneliness,
   My only comfort is Despair.


This poem is too lugubrious and too much a product of garden variety teenage angst to be seriously considered anywhere.  I wrote this shortly after I turned eighteen.  You'll notice the theme of waiting in this poem, and it appears in many of my others.  I was a closeted homosexual in middle America suburbia, but I was so sure that I would eventually essentially fall into a relationship with the perfect man.  I had so much faith that one day my prince would come.  But the waiting!  The waiting for everything in my life to lock into place took such a toll on me.  And the slow, harsh realization that reality would never and could never live up to my impossible fantasies became a foundation of my consciousness that echoes through my psyche to this day.