Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Saturday, July 7, 2012


I let myself get too tired again and ended up drinking last night.  It's amazing how quickly I can go from thinking I'll never drink again to that being all I can imagine doing. I'm moody, but I don't think I have mood swings. (Or hell, maybe I do! It's hard to tell from the inside.)  But my goals and priorities can certainly shift dramatically and sometimes quickly.

Anyway, there was more going on to my drinking than just fatigue.  I suppose we all have our secret shames, but there are some things I can't disclose, even in an anonymous blog.  But yesterday I had an emotionally draining episode related to a burden I've carries for decades.  I could no longer process it, so I drank.

Science Fiction Double Feature

I was determined not to spend another weekend in bed, so I dragged myself out of it this morning afternoon.  I walked to the gym and spent an hour on the stair-stepper and then some upper body strength training.  I normally only do thirty minutes, but I knew it was going to take a lot to burn off all the calories I consumed last night.  As a reward, I called a friend to see if she was interested in dinner and a movie, but she never called me back.  So I just went on my own.

I ate dinner at Genhis Grill.  I love this place because you get to choose exactly the ingredients you want.  I'm such a picky eater, but when I eat there, I don't have to pick things out of my food.  I tried to keep it healthy with lean beef and brown rice.  I did break down about extraneous calories with some frozen yoghurt afterwards.

I went to the theater and saw The Amazing Spider-Man.  It was entertaining, but frankly I though the three movies with Toby Maguire were better and (except for the biological basis for his web) truer to the source material, at least as I remember it.  Having a taste for the superhero movie, I then thought "What the hell" and went to showing of The Avengers.  Jiminy, no shortage of hot men in that movie!  I decided my favorite was Jeremy Renner.  (Besides, I've always been partial to the bow.)  The film was great with a great plot, which is not surprising seeing how it was written and directed by Joss Whedon.