Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


I've been struggling with my depression over the last few weeks, probably mostly due to grief.  There was a tiny (3.9) earthquake in Arkansas that rippled through Memphis early yesterday morning.  I didn't feel it, but heard about it later.  While it most likely means nothing, in my present state of mind, it has ramped up my anxieties.  I only work on the fourth floor at my new job, but I still have flashes of nervousness.  And for some reason my O.C.D. has decided to poke its head out today so that I'm afraid to touch public surfaces.  (Keep in mind that I still have to work my full-time job and face the consequences of poor performance while all of this is going on in the background.)
I am trying to improve my situation with positive behaviors.  I had a cognitive behaviorist therapist once tell me that if I change my behavior, my mood will follow suit.  (I can't say that that has actually been my experience, however.)  Nutrition and exercise are my buzzwords for success, but it's taken all of my effort to force myself to adhere to both, even for just two days.
Personal Roundup

Days Sober: 3
Weight: I haven't the strength
Debt: $5,900