Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Diminish and Yet Remain

(Galadriel) You offer it to me freely.  I cannot deny that my heart has greatly desired this.
{J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring}

Ugh!  You never know when temptation is going to drop down on you and test your resolve.  Today at work, I had the attorney for a man who came to our office for a deposition hand me his client's almost-full bottle of Vicodin because we'd asked him to bring it in.  (I swear, opiates are coming at me in waves!)  I proceeded to photocopy the vial label for one of the attorneys I work for...all alone in the copy myself.  Of course, I didn't take any; I don't think even I could be that stupid, but the addict in me did have a momentary flash of weakness over the situation, kind of came out of left field.  Opposing counsel even made a crack as he and his client were walking past my desk that, if they came across me sleeping, they'd know I'd nicked one of his pills.  It was all very bizarre.

Dain Bramaged

I was reading about alcohol withdrawal in an attempt to make myself feel better about feeling Not Quite Right, and I made the mistake of reading about the potential long-term or even permanent effects of alcohol abuse.  Obsessive histrionics are normal for me, even at my best, and I have to admit that my first inclination was to drink tonight to chase off my worrying.  My brain is all I really have going for me, and I'd hate to have my alcoholism cut short my writing career before it's even begun.