Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Limping Along

Well, I managed not to drink last night, so one down, 360 plus infinity to go.  I actually told myself I would drink on Friday night, and frankly, that may still happen, even though I woke up this morning glad I hadn't given in.  My diet took a bit of hit last night, but I didn't do near the damage I'm capable of.  I was also pretty good about my budget.

Pleasure, Little Treasure
My crisis yesterday came from the whisperings of the demon-incubus of Pleasure.  Depression, in general (and my withdrawal-induced depression, in specific) makes me lose interest in things that I might normally enjoy.  I began to feel as if I'd "never be cheerful again," and so then I started to panic, desperate for anything pleasurable to fill my evening after work. 

Since I couldn't muster any enthusiasm for any of the myriad of activities I'm lucky enough to have the time and resources to enjoy, my thoughts automatically turned once again to the drinking-smoking-video games triad as my only available source of pleasure.  However, as I said the other day, I need to retrain my thinking to stop chasing pleasure and fill my time with practical activities that will elevate my life into a more-fulfilling mode of existence.