Seeking joy and meaning in a joyless mind and meaningless existence

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Keep Your P.A.W.S. Off of Me!

Hooboy!  Yet another close call with drinking last night.  I was bound and determined to fall off the wagon when I left work.  I managed to avoid temptation and distracted myself by starting a "perfect" walkthrough of the Mass Effect video game trilogy.  (If you're not a gamer—particularly an RPG gamer—then you probably wouldn't understand.)  Of course, I'm so mercurial that my resolve can go south so quickly.  But two weeks of sobriety is two weeks of sobriety.

I was reading about post-acute-withdrawal syndrome (P.A.W.S.), and I probably have a long road ahead of me.  Given my extensive alcohol abuse, I'm most likely looking at continued depression and anxiety as well as cognitive impairment for the foreseeable future, even though I should be through the acute stages of withdrawal.  Unfortunately, as I've pointed out repeatedly, disturbances in my mood cause me to panic and seek out avenues of pleasure, which often involve drinking.
Let It Go
It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
Let it go!  Let it go!
{Queen Elsa, Frozen}
My symptoms of continued withdrawal certainly hasn't helped my anger issues any.  Today I got enraged at a driver who honked at me as I was crossing the road in a crosswalk with the signal.  Then I just told myself to let the anger go and get on with my life.  Some people are just assholes.  You can't let their personality flaws poison your own view of the world and/or humanity.